The Ambler meets Attila

After reading Kevin Michael Grace's account of a spookily annoying man who wanted him to push one of his pet schemes, I can only hope that Mr. Hun has taken the hint and gone away.

Indians can't be racists, eh?

David Ahenakew, a Federation of Saskatchewan Indian Nations ex-chief, complained about the Jews and how they started World War Two. He says that the Germans should have "fried" them, as they were on their way to conquering the world before the Nazis stopped them. He added that the Holocaust was justifiable. What an idiot.

It will be interesting to see how the story is played in Canada's newspapers. You should see as much ink up here as the Trent Lott faux pas received in the US...but many members of the Canadian news media will tell you that Indians, as a matter of course, cannot be racist.

A timeless present

The great people over at Snopes.com, the Urban Legends debunkers, relate a touching and hilarious tale about two brothers, and their determination to not be the last person to get that pair of horrid moleskin slacks.

At least they're not into bagism

Two Canadians have gone to Iraq to act as "human shields" to initimidate the US into not attacking the country

I think David Pryce-Jones' poem in the Spectator may apply here:

"Backwards, Christian soldiers,
Sneaking out of war,
So that this great tyrant
May kill thousands more."

Toto in Istanbul

Seanbaby's reviews of Turkish films also includes a look at their version of the Wizard of Oz.

By the way, he writes for The Wave, an interesting looking San Francisco alternative newspaper.

And...I hope to do some "thinking not linking", as Colby Cosh puts it, in the next little while as I get ready for the next issue of the magazine. Thanks for your patience.

Paul Martin, weblogger

Paul Martin, the Liberal MP who seems to have a lock on becoming the next Prime Minister of Canada has started his own weblog at the behest of the twentysomethings on his staff. Thanks to Colby Cosh for mentioning this.

Colby's done most of the hard spade work. Yet...I would like to take a moment to look at one statement in Mr. Martin's explanation about why he is starting the weblog. He mentions that during a recent trip to Windsor he visited his old home and the graves of his parents. "It wasn't newsworthy but it was an immense pleasure for me," he says.

People usually start weblogs because they don't have a group of reporters who follow them around looking for news, as Mr. Martin does. If it was important to Mr. Martin to get a sense of his roots and where he came from--as he had "immense pleasure" in seeing things that remind him of his past--why not ask a single reporter to tag along and then share what he is thinking? If these are genuine emotions, why not share them and flesh out for Canadians what makes the true Paul Martin tick?

"I'm a feeling man...but what I am feeling is not 'newsworthy', thank you." Paul Martin...as an empty canvas that you may paint as you choose.

I can hear an objection. "But, these are private moments that he shouldn't have to share." Quite so. Well then, why start a weblog to talk about such things, even in passing? Mr. Martin will find that people who read weblogs have a naturally curiousity to dissect everything that is posted by the weblogger in an attempt to read what is in his or her soul. In some ways they are like an online diary, whether they are intended to be or not. His privacy, if he intends to do a good weblog, may shrink somewhat.

In this passing observation, Mr. Martin opens a door and closes it quickly. Something seems a little false here. Is the Martin team trying to find a way to get hipster bloggers to read the text of his stump speech online, in "weblog" form?

A cast of tens

Seanbaby's review of the Turkish knock-off version of Star Wars includes observations like "Although setting world records for lack of production values, Turkish Star Wars is a lot more entertaining than Episodes 1 and 2, and not nearly as unexplainably stupid as Jar Jar Binks."

"Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" and other cultural delights

Thanks to my colleague Philippa Byfield for passing along this Toronto Star story on a new study analyzing whether culture is
anti-Christian, specifically the new film "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter".

Internet publishers: "Crikey!"

Kevin Steel, on the Report website, has found a scary story for journalists. An Australian court has ruled that an Australian can sue Dow Jones in an Australian court for their story on him, which was published on their New Jersey-based website. Australian legal expert Ken Parish says that freedom of speech fans on the 'net shouldn't worry yet

Why isn't Spock wearing a fez?

I didn't know that ColbyCosh also has a fondness for bad movies. He passes along this really funny review of the super cheap and cheezy Turkish version of Star Trek.

Too bad it doesn't have subtitles. I would look into buying it then, if it wasn't too expensive. Yes, really.

I'm a movie buff, and I like to watch all sorts of films. I particularly like older movies, enjoying their merits and chuckling at their faults. When a good friend of mine dropped by a while back, she looked at my video collection and said, "Oh wow, you have *new* movies too?"

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is my favourite TV show. This week I was writing a story on a giant spider web in Northern B.C. and I though to myself as I was writing the lede, "This vaguely reminds me of the film 'Beginning of the End', where Peter Graves has to save Chicago from the army of mutant giant grasshoppers." I doubt that would come to the mind of any other Report writer.

Breast count of this post: zero

I've been a fan of drive-in film boffin and humour columnist Joe Bob Briggs for a while now, but I wouldn't agree with his arguments in his latest column that Christ was completely apolitical. Yes, Christ was only incidentally political ("Render unto Caesar..."), but Mr. Briggs would see in his Bible that the Romans only crucified Christ when the Jewish leaders politicized the situation by making the threat to Pilate that anyone who spared Jesus would be "no friend of Caesar."

Even the most innocent of Christ's teachings can be seen as political, depending on whose ox is gored by them.

I have post-Chretien traumatic disorder :)

This Wall Street Journal column spoofs the tendency to apply post-traumatic stress disorder to everything, even the slavery of your dead ancestors.

When Chickens Attack, tonight on Fox

Some stories that I thought you might be interested in...

A U.S. town is being attacked by chickens. US ballerina Leigh Zimmerman has set a new record for consecutive ballet twirls . "I've got the world's longest tongue" says this 12 year old German girl. Check out the pictures...she's a female Gene Simmons.

"I'm sorry, sir, you will have to fill out that deposit slip in human blood."

Envision Financial (www.envision.ca) is a credit union with most of its branches in B.C.'s Fraser Valley "Bible Belt". That makes the credit union's current newspaper ad campaign (which I wish I could link to somehow, but only the dull corporate stuff is online) all the more odd. In one ad, they pose the question "Do they demand a sacrifice?" and then the ad copy assures readers that Envision has friendly staff with lots of services. However, it is illustrated by a photo of a man in a teller line-up carrying a goat!

The other ad that I have seen is also peculiar. It asks the question "What about the wierd secret meetings?" The answer assures readers that although a customer feared an "initiation ritual" or a "spooky gathering" where financial secrets would be passed on, all will be well. The photo is of a goateed man, dressed all in black (think Dieter, the "Sprockets" character from Saturday Night Live). The man has odd marks painted in his face, and is glaring in diabolic fashion at the camera.

I guess the Illuminati must be slipping up. ( :) )

A virtual home town

Grant Montgomery of Osoyoos B.C. has come up with an interesting idea that other former residents of company towns will probably emulate if they haven't already done so. Mr. Montgomery grew up in Kemano, a fomer Alcan company town in northern B.C. When Alcan closed up shop there, the entire town--which was only for employees, their families or a small amount of people who were providing essential services--was burnt to the ground. Mr. Montgomery, however, has come up with a Virtual Kemano, B.C. where former residents can meet through e-mail, share stories and look at photos.

I've had a quick look on the 'net, and some of the Canadians who grew up at the base in Lahr, Germany have a Lahr Revisited virtual home town too.

Cheerleader yells: "Go Milkmen!" "Go Milkmaids!"

I'm glad, in one small way, that I didn't attend Cowichan Secondary School. According to a recent Cowichan Valley Citizen story on a ham radio program there, the school's nickname is "Cow High"!

Mooooo!

Ambient Music

Kevin Michael Grace seems to be listening to music all the time, as he often posts lyrics from songs he listens to.

This started me thinking about how people work to music. Ever since my college days I have found that I sometimes find English lyrics to be distracting when I am trying to intensely concentrate on something. Foreign languages don't seem to affect me the same way. So, when I am trying to write, I sometimes listen to classical music, opera, or big band music. (On my turntable for the time being: Glenn Miller: A Memorial).

Perhaps The Mozart Effect works on adults too. But how would other people then be able to successfully listen to music that is very distracting (such as punk, heavy rock, etc.) when they are trying to work? I guess that it all depends on what you become used to listening to when you are younger.

How do you say "Yo Mama!" in Italian?

Dave Stevens has some amusingly helpful advice if you want to go to a European country and get punched in the face.

Who needs lights when you have a boxful of bras?

Memo to my parents: Be glad that Juan Gato didn't offer to help decorate the Christmas tree. Funny post though, Juan.

The best game I never saw

James Marsh of the Cranbrook Daily Townsman (sorry, no direct link to his piece) devoted part of a recent column to the 1962 "Fog Bowl" Grey Cup. Thanks to him!

(He begins)

"Likely the weirdest Grey Cup game took place in Toronto on Saturday December 1 and Sunday Dec. 2, 1962 -- the infamous Fog Bowl. As the game progressed into the second quarter, the fog rolled in from the cool waters of Lake Ontario like mustard gas over a battlefield. The Toronto Star reported the 'Metro air was fouler than ever recorded . . . sulphur and muck, trapped in a layer of stagnant air show levels 10-times higher than normal.'"

"The fog caused several deaths, chaotic traffic and a crime wave."

...."The players also lost sight of the ball when it was airborne. In the second half, Hamilton's Joe Zuger threw a touchdown pass to Dave Viti."

"'I threw it up in the air into the fog,' he said later, 'and I don't know how he saw it coming down.' Punt returners could hear the ball being kicked, but could not locate it until they heard it hit the ground.'

"'You'd run over to pick it up,' said Henley, 'and you could see bodies coming at you, but you could only see them from the knees down.'"

"For CFL commissioner Sydney Halter the game was a nightmare. He visited the field several times, peered into the mist and declared that visibility was not that bad. Finally, with nine minutes and 29 seconds left, he stopped the game and announced it would have to be completed the next day."

"....The game resumed the following day as the fog lifted. Hamilton moved the ball well but failed to score and Winnipeg won its fourth championship in five years. Former Eskimo great Jackie Parker, who drove 17 hours from his home in Tennessee to watch the game, summed it up: 'That was the best ball game I never saw.'"

No not the buildings, Godzilla, stomp Matthew Broderick first!

There's a new Godzilla movie out in Japan. The New York Times reports that Toho studios uses a suited actor up to crush Tokyo in this story. As it should be!

To quote Raymond Burr's character in Godzilla, King of the Monsters (1954) : "It's big and it's terrible!" As a reporter I always get a kick out of the first Godzilla film. You never see Burr's character taking notes when he asks questions, or typing up his stories, as we mere mortal reporters do.

I can see for Air Miles and Miles...

Kevin Michael Grace has a dilemma--what to do with all his Air Miles. If I can add a small P.S. to his interesting piece, I can't tell you the amount of times I've popped into Safeway for a quick couple of items and then tried to figure out what to buy to make up the extra $2-5 so I would go over $20 and earn 1 Air Mile. I do have discipline in that I don't buy anything I wouldn't usually buy.

I have enough Air Miles to make it to the end of my driveway.

This little theatre has grown up

Yesterday I visited my home town, White Rock, a small town on the B.C. coast. It doesn't quite have the small town mindset any more in some ways and I came across some evidence of that.

The movie theatre that I saw my first movies in is long gone, but the little theatre where I did my high school acting is still there. The White Rock Players Club is the community theatre that keeps it open. Upcoming in the Players Club season... "Valley of the Dolls". They note that their schedule is subject to change, and their little theatre version of the Jacqueline Susann novel may never hit the stage.

And now Party Hints with Veronica Smalls

Thanks to Colby Cosh, I now know how to stop a riot, assuming that I have the 82nd Airborne living next door and a copy of the U.S. Army's field manual on how to stop "Civil Disturbances" at hand. It reminded me a little of Edward Luttwak's fascinating book Coup d'Etat, in which he explains why some coups worked and some did not.

Burley-cue

My old paper, The Ubyssey, has an interesting article on the local burlesque scene.

"The political left simply won't recognize that junkies cannot be trusted with anything from the family silverware to their word."

Leo Knight in The North Shore News explains why Vancouver's latest attempt at "harm reduction" will fail miserably.

Hinterland who-was-who

When I was a wee kid, the Canadian Wildlife Service's Hinterland Who's Who commercials were my favorite commercials. Now you can watch them online, and listen to a narrator tell you all about many Canadian animals as you watch them scamper through the forest.

The theme music is known by every Canadian over the age of 30. That and the old address of the USC charity ("56 Sparks Street, Ottawa.") The old Coffee-mate jingle ("Coffee-mate tastes great....Coffee-mate soothes the flavour so that your cup of coffee tastes great."). The jingle for the Trouble board game. That old Shake-and-bake commercial with the hokey harmonica music where the kid rides his bike home to get some chicken. All-Star Wrestling, with Ron Moirier (sp?) and Gene Kiniski. The old Kraft commercials with the two disembodied hands working with a table of ingredients to make something. "Add two cups of Velveeta" and the hands would add the Velveeta. Popeye cartoons. Super Chicken. Peter Puck (not Pocklington). Howie Meeker and his telestrator (One of the neatest story assignments I've done was to interview him about one of his books.). CFL Football on CTV, and how the CBC and CTV crews would do one half of the Grey Cup each. "Towel power" in 1982. The Vancouver Blazers and their horrendous uniforms.

I remember Kraft Koogle chocolate spread (I had it in my school sandwiches for a year) and Frankenberry cereal too.

All we are saying is Give War A Chance (part 2)

John Little of Blogs of War is dismayed that it took so long for Chretien spokeswoman Francoise Ducros to be sacked for calling George Bush a moron. He writes here: "We share the world's largest undefended border with this country and it's politicians are starting to sound like a Mid-East Islamic Revolutionary council. The current government in Canada has done everything short of issue a Fatwa calling for Bush's death."

"Don't wish me Merry X-mas..."

Canada's Mint has found way to not offend anyone with their Christmas ads, CP reports. Rewrite the Twelve Days of Christmas.

Bah Humbug!

"The dame had gams a mile long. She was packing a hymnal..."

The L.A. Times has a neat story on a writer who writes hard-boiled crime novels for Christians.

She ain't heavy, she's our pastor

Christianity Today has posted an interesting follow-up story on how Christian weight-loss boffin Gwen Shamblin has founded her own legalistic church. She uses a speaker phone in her office to preach to her flocks worldwide.

Rachel Marsden and the sock puppets
(not a 1960s garage band :) )

Thanks to Kevin Michael Grace for mentioning that speculation is rife on the Frank Magazine online forums that one of their regular posters is actually Rachel Marsden posting while pretending to be a guy. Said poster is a big fan of hers, and lusts after her online. (Now that I have seen some of the current photos on Miss Marsden's website, I don't get it. She displays nasty attitude in the photos and some of her goth inspired photos are scary!)

The circumstantial case is good though, as who would have been following her work at the fairly obscure websites she writes for? It is interesting that one of the conditions set by her judge is that she has to use her own identity in all her e-mails. Has she been flaming her former lover(s) online, perhaps at the Frank site?

We shall see.

This "lady" protests too much

It seems that Rachel Marsden is in the news again. In 1997, she was found to have falsely accused her former swim coach at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby B.C. of sexual harrassment. Now, she has just been charged with criminal harrassment of a former Vancouver radio host.

In yesterday's Province, she protested to columnist Jon Ferry that she wanted to get her SFU misdeeds behind her in an attempt to branch out into column-writing and journalism. Miss Marsden, 28, protested: "It's really unfortunate that the provincially minded local media insist on constantly bringing it up and tying it in whenever I'm mentioned . . . No one else in the media anywhere else in the world gives a hoot about any of that . . . all they care about are my journalistic abilities and my
contributions to political debate."

Oh really? I've had a browse around the Internet and here's what I found.

Yes, she is published on the net, at GOPUSA.com, for example. However, she has also been named a Republican Babe of the Week by members of the New Jersey Republican Party. The website reveals Miss Marsden in photos from her very own website in clothing that flaunts her body, not her mind. Her response:
"I truly am honored. Thank you! I also took a surf through your site, and think it's great. Very fun and catchy, yet informative." - Rachel. Other "Republican Babes of the Week" include women who are known for their extensive knowledge of political issues...and Bo Derek, Shannen Doherty and Kim Alexis.
I doubt these Republicans would have included a Barbara Bush, for example, on their tribute site. But Miss Marsden was tickled to get this publicity not fully related to her skills as a columnist.

Her own site, rachelmarsden.com, is swamped by 'net traffic. However, thanks to that awesome 'net research tool, the Internet Archive, I got a peek at her website as it was presented to the world on July 21, 2001. Lots of come-hither pictures, and information on how you could call her agents for modelling and acting assignments.

In her recent columns she is trying to be very conservative. Her conversion to the cause, however, may only be recent. The July 21, 2001 version's front page features those photos which compare George W. Bush's facial expressions to those of a monkey in "Separated At Birth?" format.

Quotes of the day (s)

"The older you get, the more people think you have lost your marbles.
What they don't realize is you have gained experience. A lot of these young
people will find that out one day."--Abbotsford mayor George Ferguson is defeated after 31 years in office, in today's Vancouver Sun.

"The first sentence in a profile Wednesday of Beaver Valley school trustee
candidate Julie Phillips incorrectly stated that she "is happy about the
idea of school closures." It should have read she is "NOT happy," as the rest of the story indicates."
--A correction in the Nov. 14 Trail Times

"It's like Martin Sheen running for president!"--Jennifer Clarke, defeated candidate for Vancouver mayor, bemoans the sucess of her about-to-be-elected opponent Larry Campbell, in the Nov. 16 Vancouver Sun.
(And as my Report colleague Kevin Michael Grace argues...that may be more true than she thought!)

Own goal

In the Channel Islands, the Jersey Evening Post reports that the island's Sunday soccer league could collapse. Why? One team's withdrawal points to some reasons. Soccer players want to stay home or engage in sneaky subterfuges to delay their own games so they can watch live soccer from the rest of Europe on the local TV station.

All we are saying is Give War A Chance

If you are looking for reasons to want the overthrow of Saddam Hussein, this N.Y. Post column by Jonathan Foreman is one place to start.

Red Green invents digital clock?

My friend Tracy, who hails from The Rock, says that this is a Newfie digital clock. Not being from Newfoundland, I can't say, but you may find the link is neat.

That explains the new moat around City Hall

The Penticton Herald (sorry, no link) reports on the new mayor of Keremeos B.C. A well respected retired pharmacist who led efforts to build a new health centre in the town, he won handily. He must be a really classy man because he has one of the most unfortunate last names that a local politician could have. He is Walter Despot.

Where are the Cardiac Kids when you need them?

My Report friend ColbyCosh, a big fan of the Edmonton Eskinos of the Canadian Football League, has been posting a series of funny posts about his team's fate in the CFL playoffs thus far. (They play Montreal for the Grey Cup on Sunday.) As he mentions, the CBC is again broadcasting Grey Cup Classics late at night, old Grey Cup games. Alas, I am a fan of the B.C. Lions, the Brooklyn Dodgers of the CFL, but I was there in person when Lui Passaglia kicked a field goal to win in 1994.

Aside from the Lions games, my favorite Grey Cup game on tape is the 1962 Grey Cup game, the infamous "Fog Bowl" between Winnipeg and Hamilton at CNE Stadium in Toronto. A heavy fog rolled in from nearby Lake Ontario, almost completely obscuring the game. (It's funny to watch. The ball disappears as it comes down during a pass. The commentators say things like. "I think that was a completion on the 15, no, that was the five.") The game had to be stopped, and the last eight minutes played the next day.

Next favourite non-Lion Grey Cup? The 1976 Grey Cup, where Tony Gabriel caught the winning touchdown with under a minute to go. (Colby would love the player photo of Wonderful Monds of the Rough Riders. His afro is about a block wide.)

I must confess, though, that I don't share Colby's love of the Eskimos. The first year I really followed the Lions, as a boy, was 1977, the year of "Jerry Tagge and the Cardiac Kids", when the team roared to a 10-2 record, winning four games in the last minute of play, then fell to 10-6. In the playoffs, the Lions beat Winnipeg, but were crushed by the Eskimos 40-1 in the Western Final.

In my home, it was a tradition to have people over to watch the Grey Cup. It was an iron rule to cheer for the Western team, but I was so annoyed at the Eskimos that year that I deliberately cheered for Montreal. That year's Grey Cup (1977) was "The Staple Game". The field was covered in ice, and some bright Alouette players grabbed a staple gun at halftime, and put staples in their shoes. With better traction, the Als won handily, able to complete passes and scoot for extra yards while the Esks flailed helplessly. Little Rick does :)

A little revenge was sweet back then. But now, I am just hoping for a good game on Sunday...it's okay if the Eskimos win. (Please note "okay". Not "excellent"...unless the Eskimos come back from 40 points down or something like that. :) )

"You can take my toaster when you pry it from my cold, dead, fingers...."
The Victoria [Texas]Advocate

Jean Chretien...naughty!
Edmonton Sun columnist Michael Jenkinson has an amusing column on Santa's problems with the Kyoto Accord.

Quote of the millenium
"Love thy neighbour as thyself -- it's a profound social strategy."
--Schindler's List survivor Zev Kedem, speaking in Kamloops B.C. [Thanks to the Kamloops Daily News, Nov. 9 edition]

The refreshingly candid edition of Quotes of the day(s)
"It's kind of like a late-bloomer thing."
--Coquitlam singer Florrie Carter, 75, makes her very first recordings on a new CD. [Thanks to the Coquitlam Now, Nov. 9 edition]

"I'd pick it up"
--Larry Iwaskow, candidate for mayor of Nanaimo, answers the question "How
would you deal with the terrible litter problem in the schools and streets?" at an all-candidates meeting. [Thanks to the Nanaimo Daily News, Nov. 12 edition]

"There is no air of reality to the defence."
--B.C. Provincial Court judge William Sundhu, convicting four Indian protesters making an aboriginal claim of the nearby Sun Peaks ski resort, notes that the defendants say they refused to acknowledge non-native title to the land. Yet, he ruled that they acted as if such title did exist by trying to hide what they were doing by using bandanas, face paint and camouflage clothing. [Thanks to the Kamloops Daily News, Nov. 16 edition]

And?
The English edition of Aftenposten carries a story on a Norwegian comedian in trouble for his controversial comments on Christianity. I find the rest of Otto Jespersen's comments to be just obnoxious, but I would argue he fails to make a telling point about the failings of Christianity when he says, "No matter what kind of a swine you were while alive...you will be taken back in and forgiven, as long as you are really dead."
Yes. Exactly. And that is one of the things, I would say, that makes Christianity a superior faith.

Whaaa?
The Point Reyes [California] Light has a story on, shall we say, a unique protest against the war in Iraq:
West Marin women strip for peace.

When politicians sing
The Times has a story on Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi's new CD. He partly wrote some of the songs. (Well, he could be doing worse things with his time.) Check out the attached sidebar story, which alludes to Benito Mussolini's thankfully brief singing career.

Mark o' the Beast watch
A friend of mine passed along this ABC NEWS link about a chip implant the size of a grain of rice. It allows computer tracking of anything or anyone with the chip. My Bible-prophecy minded friend also notes that the chip holds enough information to allow people to use computer scanner systems to buy and sell by having the chip in their bodies scanned. Just like in Revelation, chapter 13.

Photo of the day(s)
You'll be amazed that the the trucker in this accident wasn't hurt. Alas, there are no permalinks on the Lake Country (B.C.) News website. Please ignore the bottom section, which may state "This page cannot be found", but look at the top part of the page. If their Nov. 13 issue is still up, look for the box marked Headlines: Choose... Pick the story "Fortunate to be alive" and you'll see their story on the accident and quite a picture. Sorry for the Rube Goldberg-like directions, but the story is interesting and that's how you get to see it.

One fan of Citizen Judd
One of my favorite upcountry columnists is Neville Judd of the Sechelt/Gibsons Coast Reporter. British Columbia's towns and cities have their elections every three years on the same Saturday in November. (The latest elections were held this past Saturday.) Mr. Judd complains about how politicians use catchphrases instead of explaining what they want to do, making their platforms as vague as possible.

Many of B.C.'s non-Vancouver papers have small staffs, so they tend to concentrate their resources on what is important to their readers. This is, of course, correct but it proves a small burden on whomever is reading dozens of them one after the other. In the past two week's worth of papers, it seemed that everyone in the province had either fought in World War Two or was running for city council. I'm a big fan of veterans (my grandfather ran away from home at 15 to fight, and was gassed in the trenches of the Western Front), but I found myself quietly agreeing with Mr. Judd's column about the tendency of politicians to "duckspeak".