[Posted at Bene Diction Blogs On, De. 18, 2010]
Evangelist Faytene Kryskow has a boyfriend. That’s great for her and her boyfriend, but some of you are supposed to know, and others of you are not supposed to know. Shh! It’s secret.
Faytene has two Facebook pages. On the first, where she keeps a tight rein, censoring and unfriending people who may be critical, she mentions her boyfriend. That’s the one that is usually maxed out at 5,000 friends. The other Faytene Facebook page, which still has new spaces for friends, doesn’t mention her boyfriend at all.
I would have gone “That’s nice” and not blogged on this if Faytene had mentioned her beau on both pages. But, given that Faytene recorded a long video about how she almost fell for the wrong guy-- and the crucial spiritual lessons that she learned-- this partial reticence strikes me as an odd choice that I would respectfully suggest may not be helpful to her and her boyfriend.
As I write, Faytene Facebook page one mentions that she is “In a Relationship with Robert John”. Robert John points to his Facebook page.
The page for Faytene Kryskow II, however, does not list a boyfriend as I write. There are newer profile photos on both pages, so I think they are regularly updated.
If you follow the boyfriend link, you meet a Robert John Grasseschi, who, as I write, confirms that he is “In a Relationship with Faytene Kryskow”. [In Faytene and Robert’s defense, Facebook allows only “In a Relationship” and “Engaged” for a dating situation, so nothing untoward is going on.] They have been formally dating for a month now.
Mr. Grasseschi, says his Facebook bio, has worked as an actor, a fitness demonstrator on TV and model. Since becoming a born again Christian in 2007, he has studied under acting at Patricia King’s XP Media acting school. [As King and Kryskow are old friends, that’s how they might have met.] Mr. Grassechi is well familiar with Hollywood packaging, deciding to drop his last name for his work. [Where Hollywood actors have to use initials and mother’s maiden names to get a unique name for acting credits and union cards, I would figure that his last name would be a big plus. But perhaps he gets tired of spelling it.]
Why would Faytene mention on one Facebook page and not the other. I’ll hazard a guess.
Since the earliest days of movies and television, Christians have been-- rightly I would say-- apprehensive about the entertainment industry and the moral messages that it provides. Faytene’s audience and financial supporters would often default to being very conservative on these questions. They would say “What? You are dating an actor?” and leave Faytene open to criticism. [I, however, have the opinion that movies and TV are merely a tool and they, if used properly, can be a great witness. So, the fact that Grasseschi is an actor is not necessarily a bad thing.]
Thus, on Faytene Facebook page one, which she edits assiduously, her sympathetic closer friends would be disposed to not have a question about an actor boyfriend. Faytene Facebook page two, however, might have people who might disagree on this, so better not mention anything there.
I would object to this. Making sure that Hollywood fearing Christians—who may have a point—don’t have a chance to respectfully talk about this issue by not mentioning the boyfriend, is not great as Faytene is a public, national figure.
If her ministry is hampered by a bad marriage, wouldn’t it be better if the marriage is avoided in the first place? And that is exactly the point that Faytene Kryskow raises at some length in the testimony DVD video that she sells on her website. She explains how she learned a lot about herself and “Relationships and Purity”
Since she has raised the question before, in public, may we consider it now? You may still buy Faytene Kryskow’s testimony DVD from her website .
“Relationships and Purity” she notes, can be very crucial in one’s life, and how God can use you for His purposes.
[I’ll be relating what she says from her theological point of view to make it easier on me, so please don’t take offense.]
“I believe that if our desire is to serve the Lord, we need to that with this area of our lives,” Faytene says in the video. “We need to consecrate this.”
“I do not have the gift of singleness,” Faytene adds. This is one of the factors that she believes almost led her to date the wrong guy in the fall of 2003.
She was in Vancouver at the time, she relates. She had been going through some rough times with other Christians and was feeling lonely.
This led her to pray, in a frustrated way “I want my husband…now!”
Faytene believes that at the time she was praying unwisely, which led her to be open to what she calls “a spirit that was trying to seduce me.”.
And then she met a handsome and kind fellow while she was doing street ministry. Although she developed a crush on him, she learned that he was not a Christian and had some pronounced New Age beliefs.
So, she got friends to pray for her, and after she spent time on prayer and Bible study herself, she came to believe that becoming romantic with this fellow would be a grave error, affecting what she wanted to do for God. “If I went this way I would regret it forever,” she says. She also cites the example of two unnamed Christian ladies that she knows who have been unable to pursue their “callings” of work for God because they married their non-Christian husbands.
Faytene now believes that the area of dating and marriage are so important to get right, with a lot of prayer and trying to show a Christlike spirit in order to get things exactly right. I believe that she shows wisdom here.
“The enemy knows how to set us up. He’s not stupid,” Faytene says.
If you believe that Satan targets your dating and marriages, it is logical to think that he will continue to do so.
Let’s look at this from Faytene’s theological point of view. The fellow cited in the DVD was, in her view, obviously wrong for her. Would it then be possible for someone to be slightly or moderately wrong for Faytene, and thus have a negative impact on her ministry?
Am I against Robert John? Certainly not. Not at all. I am confident that they both have the maturity to decide wisely, and prayerfully, what is best. But if Faytene needed to pray back in 2003, she needs to pray now.
She talks in the DVD of her need for wise counsel and prayer by people who were looking on at what was happening.
And my apprehension that she is telling some--but not others--about her boyfriend comes from a regret that she fears that some people wouldn’t have a brotherly or sisterly interest to pray, in a respectful way, for the best for both of them.
Those of us who would pray that Faytene be blessed for doing the right thing missed out, thanks to her reticence. Which is a little sad.
UPDATE: They are now engaged. Good for them!